Friday, March 26, 2010

Tarzan VS a Leopard





OK Tarzan you're a spaz.

This fight would actually be really close, if Tarzan could avoid the sharp things. Yes Tarzan has been raised by gorillas and yes he has weird natural strength long developed by surfing on tree branches and climbing around on rocks. His strength is truly amazing and he can grab stuff with his feet...on the other hand the Leopard (some say it was a Jaguar, but I'm going with a Leopard) is a BIG CAT! Behind his fuzzy face and long whiskers are a pair of canines you don't wanna hear bark. Tarzan would have to keep the Leopard's teeth and claws under control and somehow be able to counter the cat's stealth-like agility with his own; this would not be that hard since Tarzan could match the cat's agility, maybe even one up it, because of his strength and training. Tarzan can swing from vines, can a Leopard? No. I'm not allowing Tarzan the use of any tools either, shame I know.

The Leopard would leap at Tarzan who would then try to throw the Leopard to the ground and get behind it. Tarzan isn't strong enough to keep the Leopard in his grips and the Leopard escapes. The Leopard, having far more stamina than Tarzan would wear Tarzan down. The relentless attacks with his sharp claws while Tarzan's feeble attempts to get a hold of the Leopards limbs and rip them off fall short. Even if Tarzan was defending Rosie O'Donald, the only way I see him winning is if he gets behind and on-top-of the Leopard and chokes it out or rips its throat out... but the Leopard ends up crushing Tarzan's larynx after severing almost all of his major arteries and veins. A bloody and exhausted Tarzan falls to the deck and the Leopard drags him back to his house and feeds Latrell Sprewell's kids. How's it taste Disney.

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